I get excited for the new year. It’s like opening a book to read for the first time, smelling the pages, pen at the ready to write, underline, and note-take. There are always promises for new beginnings, fresh starts, ways to do things differently.
I love holidays. Any reason to make a cake or pie and celebrate is okay by me. So having a “holiday” that allows you to start over? It’s enticing really.
And I can feel it in my soul. Butterflies in my stomach, my heart quickening, and my soul leaping when I think about 2015. I don’t have any specific plans- mainly general ideas- but I can tell it is going to be different. It excites me to think how things will be different, how much motivation I feel now to get started on the eve of this new year.
Recently, I have felt more and more compelled to pray. I feel my faith has deepened this year, my spirit more attuned to hearing what God is trying to say to me. And I will be the first to admit that I still mess it up- a lot. But this year has been tremendous personal growth for me in my relationship with Christ- and this coming up year I have a sense of expectancy that it is going to get much better.
When thinking of the new year, two words come to my mind: wisdom and margin. Wisdom to do things differently with our finances, to tithe faithfully even when it hurts or we are not sure where the money is coming from, to take the extra twenty minutes every time to make a list to grocery shop, to look at our expenses and see what needs to go. Wisdom on how to raise my children. They are starting to ask the hard questions, the tangible questions about knowing and seeing God and life and death. Yes, at five and four years old the boys ask the foundational questions of faith and I can’t stand there twiddling my thumbs trying to figure out how to answer these little theologians. I need wisdom in every area of my life for my future and my family’s future.
The idea of margin comes from the study I started months ago and have taken to it long and slow to really focus on it. This study and yet another book given to me at a book exchange remind me that I have to make better decisions and not overload myself. When I have margin-room to breathe- in my life, God has room to move through me and around me. And I want that more than anything.
And then there’s more.
I want to delve into books on God and faith, read the “classics” and not-so-classics and learn about Him as much as I can. I want to breathe in deep the Presence of His Spirit, feel it in my home and around my family. I want to worship harder than I have ever worshipped, humble myself lower to serve Him more. I want to write more for His glory. I want to publish a book. I want to finish the book I started last year, get published, and point more toward Him. I want everything to be about Him and loving Him. I want to be used in the event my friend asked me to help with in February, to see women grow closer to God. I want to speak about Him with passion and love. I want boldness in my faith.
I want to love others.
I want to give myself away until there is nothing left.
I want the “I” to vanish completely until it is only Him.
It’s coming. I can feel it. Big things. Small things.
It may not look so very different at the onset but it is amazing how much a year can mold a person, change their life so the everyday is no longer the same to them or those around them.
Ready for the changes that are to come, ready for the growth. Ready for God to move.