It falls on me and I fall, face down. I can’t get low enough, feeling the urgency suppressing me. A simple prayer, trying to get my head and heart in the conversation with God, and His Glory falls and I pray until I feel the release, the ebb of urgency.
It wasn’t even what I had started to pray for, but the fire on my tongue speaks the words that need to be said, not just what I want to say.
The tears flow and I cry as my heart cries out.
This has happened more often as I struggle with my trust and faith in God and try to weigh down the stress that creeps up in me. It’s not just prayer for me but for friends and strangers and even people on TV that my heart loves and I just want them to know God like I know God.
And it still amazes me how one verse of Truth can start you on a new journey to grow deeper with God. It has become one of my favorite verses:
“The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.” Genesis 1:2
Right there in the beginning of it all. The deep of the darkness, the void, the chaos, the eruption of nothing. And God was there, hovering over it, containing it.
When there was nothing, there was still God, over it all.
He hovered, lingered there.
A lexical study says the void and formless of what was can be translated to confusion, unreality, emptiness, obscurity, the waters a deep sea or abyss.
When God hovered He trembled, His Spirit like wind or breath.
His Breath of Life hovered, trembled over the deep obscure and empty abyss, ready to move, to create. A stark contrast of life and death, despair and hope.
When I am in despair, when I am confused, empty, living in an unreality and nothing makes sense, His Spirit is hovering, trembling to breathe on me and move.
And then I read it elsewhere, this Hebrew word for glory, kabod, which means heaviness.
His Glory, His heaviness, was upon the deep, suppressing and ready to transform.
I have felt that heaviness. I never knew a better word to describe that feeling and I know the Hebrews got it right. Heavy glory that envelops. To be in His full presence and Glory would be too heavy for one to bear, reason enough to hide Moses in the cliff and for me to fall face down, not daring to bear it all.
His Glory trembled over the deep, His Spirit ready to move.
If His Spirit could contain the whole of all that was nothing that He formed into Earth and sky and heaven and space and planets and all the things therein, how much more can He contain, change into good, the ugly in me? He can hover over and change the anger that rises when I am ready to snap at a kid, roll my eyes at my husband, slide ugly words over a slippery tongue about social media posts, and anger and disappointment in myself for continuing the same mistakes. He is ready to move in me, is moving in me. It can’t even be explained sufficiently, this revelation, this movement of God in my soul. But it is beautiful.
It is glorious.
The weight of it all, the weight of glory, pressing me down and changing me, changing my prayer life, changing how I commune with Him.
Spirit move. Hover over me, breathe me into what You will. Tremble over my darkness and change it to Life.
Let the heaviness fall.