This is the last time. Last time for nausea, for seemingly endless tiredness, for stretching of ligaments and hip pains and weird cravings.
Last time for the rude questions and personal questions, such as if we planned this and what are my opinions on breastfeeding/epidurals/eating habits etc. and random and strange people rubbing my belly like I am a goddess or eight ball with all the answers and luck in the world possessed right in my belly. One more time to smile politely and hold my tongue and He planned this baby and we planned for four and really as long as it is in His plan His timing is perfect and yes this is what is right for us.
Fourth and final. Final time of waiting through the nine (ten) months of pregnancy. Final time to discover the sex of the baby and keep the name a secret. Final time to wait for the culmination of these long months into one final push and one final first cry of life we created entering the world.
There is nothing glamorous or glorious about pregnancy or labor. But there is something miraculous.
Miraculous in how my body stretches and organs re-arrange and I can support the weight of a new life and coax it out of me when the time comes. Miraculous that there is a new person, a new life with a future and hope and an individual soul that has been called by name by God Himself long before we dream or speak the name ourselves. Miraculous how the baby’s body will release hormones and adrenaline and signals to switch the baby’s breathing to suck in the lungs and feel oxygen and no longer need the cord or amniotic fluid to survive. Miraculous how quickly the bond is formed and falling in love with that round red face and head full of dark hair and tiny fingers grasping yours makes you forget everything that just happened to your worn and ragged body.
It doesn’t always feel miraculous. I complain and long for just one more nap. But I know how truly blessed we are to have this fourth coming in September. Fourth and final. The finality is nothing certain as it is just what we have planned and He may have different plans but for now we plan this to be the last. There is something about it being the last one that makes me excited and relieved. I was never one to “do” pregnancy well but oh how I look forward to holding that little one with his/her perfect little snuggles on my chest. How I look forward to watching my children grow and become amazing people. How I pray they will serve God and love Him, seeking His will and maybe, just maybe, learn a little about being a good parent from my husband and myself.
For now, we wait for September, wait for this new one to make an appearance. We pray for blessings and health and wait, one last time.