8:30 am and I have slept later than I intended. Last night was hard with the boys refusing sleep and Haddie too combined with fussing and I can’t get her calm and I’m starting to slowly feel like a failure at comforting and all I want is sleep. It’s 11:30 and then midnight then half past and the kids are still awake and I am so tired. I get cranky and fuss at my husband and I know I shouldn’t and even worse I go to bed angry when I finally can crawl into bed once the kids are asleep.
Now the morning is here and I feel late already. I didn’t get up early and make my latte and do my devotional in the early quiet of pre-dawn like I set out to do. I haven’t started on my work and gotten ten things checked off my list before the kids wake up like I wanted. So much for resolutions and changed ways and I am hard on myself already. My phone notifies me of a message and all I can think is please don’t be work already and I stare longingly at the coffee pot mentally wishing it to go faster and just give me one cup of coffee before all this starts, all the things in the day to tick off my list- I told you simplicity would be my hardest resolution. So I sigh and pick up the phone and it is work, but it is my friend from work with a simple text: “Good morning I just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing.”
I read it five times, not sure how to respond.
Should I just say “alright and you?” (which I do) or should I spill in loaded words all about last night and my frustrations because after all she asked and if she asked she should be ready for any response (which I did).
And then, unexpectedly, I cry.
And I think, Why am I crying, this is so silly.
And He whispers: You could tell Me about it.
And I know that instead of seeking comfort in a text message and unloading on a sympathetic friend because she asks I should unload on Him Who has always carried my burdens and knows what’s going on anyway. He will understand, does understand.
Afterall, didn’t He say He would give us a Comforter? And while that Comforter is not for my trivial feelings of tiredness and frustration necessarily I know He still cares about the small things.
So instead of unloading on Him Who knows, I instead ask for forgiveness yet again for my shortcomings and ask to see things from others’ point of view. I message my husband an apology and make a mental note to hug him and speak gentler when he comes home and that all my frustrations can be blessings: I am blessed to have children healthy enough to have energy to stay up late. I am blessed with a baby that wants me to hold her just a little longer instead of arching away from my presence. I am blessed to have a husband who faithfully comes home everyday and provides and loves us four and sleeps beside me.
After I ask for forgiveness I give thanks for these things of which I am blessed.
I think: A kind word, a simple asking of how someone is doing can change their whole day, their whole perspective.
I know this, just experienced this.
Moments later I text my friend and tell her it is okay because it is a new day and there are new graces. All that I unloaded on her and (thankfully can) on Him is over and done and it’s a new day.
I take off all the things on my list for today except that which is necessary. And I add one more: use kind words today.
Kind words to my children, even in the midst of frustration.
Kind words to my husband, who deserves only those words and no others.
Kind words to myself that I don’t have to be perfect and can. Just. Relax.
Kind words to you, that may need it like I did to remember how fragile the human condition really is and we all need to know that someone wants to just check-in with us and would it harm us to do that for another, to just check-in and see what a world of good that can do for them?
How about a check-in with God today? Let Him do a world of good for you today.
Kind words: simple to say, but perspective and day and even world changing.
And on another note, I am attempting this again, a year to follow through and count. last year I fell behind but this year I am determined! Something to consider for yourself too? Scroll down to find the printout to start with January’s blessings. And check out the blog too, it has blessed me and I am sure it could bless you too.