I was travelling back from the doctor with Haddie for her two-week check-up and got caught behind some slow-moving traffic on the back roads. I had my music on and was noticing the bright oranges and reds of the trees and just taking time to worship God and sing along to the worship music. It was in that moment, when I was enjoying the beauty around me and feeling surprisingly patient driving along that I realized I had not thought about myself as much more than “mommy” in the past few days. I had become so involved with the adjustments in our new family that I had momentarily forgot I was a unique and separate individual from my children.
I am not one to feel that my children are all that define me. I know there are many other ways to describe who I am. But I had not taken a moment for myself in a few weeks.
And here I was, not taking time for myself but rather to lift these moments up to God and give them to Him in worship.
And I found who I was again.
In those few moments of sacrifice of praise and prayer, I felt God’s presence and knew that I was not just a mother but also a child. I am a child of God and God knows my uniqueness. He sees into my heart and knows my desires, He knows my past and future. I felt like a complete individual there in His presence, worshipping. It reminded me of the special love and attention that He has just for me, the special love and attention that He wants to give to everyone. I was reminded of the individual plan He fashioned for me before my parents even dreamed of me.
But I had to take time to meet Him to be me. There was no forcing my independence, no declaration that I am this person or that person. Rather it was seeking and knowing and running after Him to know Him more that defined me. This was what it meant to have my identity in Christ.
It didn’t happen in some crazy revelation. It happened during a simple song sung to in my car on a back road. Yet those moments of feeling God’s presence often happen in humble places and are the ones that mean the most.
It is those moments I search for each day, amidst the chaos and clutter and baby’s cry and boys romps and school work and exhaustion. Those small moments to be separate and unique for Christ and in Christ, feeling His presence and being the child with humbled heart and hands lifted in praise. A simple moment to remember not who I am but who He is.